


The Ed and the Flying Ship

by The_Pinkest_Dragon



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-19 03:36:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14865863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Pinkest_Dragon/pseuds/The_Pinkest_Dragon
Summary: Based on a Russian folktale called The Fool and the Flying Ship, this is the story of a young fool going out to win his fortune, and maybe the hand of a princess!





	1. Our Hero

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to write this crossover when I was in high school, close to 10 years ago, and never got it all finished and put online. Well, I'm here now with an AO3 account and better writing skills to change that! I hope you enjoy this silly story of a fool and a cast of crazy characters.
> 
> This story was made famous by Rabbit Ears, and narrated by Robin Williams for their telling of the tale. I recommend looking it up on YouTube and giving it a listen!

This is a story that took place a long, long time ago in a faraway land that I can't remember the name of right now. This land was ruled by a cruel Queen...or Tzaress or Ruler or whatever you want to call her, who had a young cousin. This cousin was beautiful and fair, but pretty much dumb as a post. The Princess Nazz was her name, though everyone who disliked her called her the 'Daughter Of The Dragon"...the Dragon being Queen Sarah, of course. 

Also in this kingdom were many peasants, and our story focuses on one in particular, as is the way these stories tend to go. 

Let's see...about the time the royal proclamation was given, our hero, Ed, was...well...asleep. You see, Ed was the youngest of of three brothers, and his two other brothers were a lot smarter than him. A LOT. At least according to their parents. Anyway, his two brothers liked to tease and taunt him all night, and so when he was supposed to be doing his chores during the day, he often fell asleep with his head in the chicken feed. "Wake up, you idiot! You're supposed to be feeding the chickens, not sleeping with them!" 

"Huh?" Ed grunted, lifting his head coated with chicken seed, and looked at his brothers through half-lidded eyes. "What'd I do?"

"You almost missed the royal proclamation, peasant boy."

"What?! Lemme see it!"

"Mom and dad have it, you fool. Try and keep up." With that, the two boys raced off, leaving Ed in the dust with the squawking chickens. 

Pulling himself up, he dusted off his green jacket and brown pants, beginning the long trek back to his house. When he got there, drool immediately began to pool in his mouth, for he could smell his mother cooking one of her famous feasts - yeasty rolls, sausages and steaks, potato pancakes, cakes and donuts, fruit, brandy, and so much more. Passing the window into his parent's bedroom, he saw his father packing bags full of gorgeous clothes, fancy jackets, and gold belts. "Whoa..." Ed breathed, stopping in his tracks for a moment before running full-speed into his house. "MOM! DAD! Food and pretty things, please!" 

His mother, standing at the stove, didn't even turn, but merely waved a hand at him. "It's for your brothers, my simple lamb. Go sit down and I'll read the proclamation to you." 

Sighing, Ed moved to the table and sat down with a thump, beginning to read the parchment for himself (since he was clearly capable of doing so). 

_"Attention all my royal subjects-_  
_The Princess Nazz is ready for marriage._  
_In the interest of finding her a suitable husband, I royally decree that any man who shows up at my door in a flying ship will get the girl, no questions asked._  
_And HURRY UP!_  
_Queen Sarah"_

Ed reads this last bit aloud to himself disbelievingly. "A flying ship? but those only are true in the comics!"

"Shut your mouth, before your curse your brothers' trip!" His mother scolded sharply, wrapping the food up in a blanket. 

"Brothers? They're going?" Ed asks, turning and watching the food disappear into a basket, drool dripping out of the corner of his mouth. 

"Of course, you dummy. They're leaving right away." 

"But mom, I want to go too!" Ed cried, leaping to his feet. 

"Oh, Ed, of course not," his mother cooed, walking by with the basket and giving her youngest boy a sharp pinch on the ear. "You'd be eaten by wolves before you even left the house." 

Sitting back down, Ed watched in a daze as his parents gave his brothers the wonderful feast and clothes, and his father blessed both boys with a smile on his face.  
The brothers left the house and walked down the road, and their harsh laughter rang in Ed's ears for hours. 

His brothers were never heard from again. 

Some time passed as it does in these stories...not a lot but not a little...and finally, Ed decided to make the journey for himself, for he wanted his father's blessings and his mother's wonderful food. 

When he told his parents, though, they both laughed. "What? You'll get lost before you take three steps, simple one!" His father chuckled, shaking his head. 

His mother, though, was a bit nicer, and finally conceded to let him go. "But if you get eaten by wolves, don't you even think about coming home." 

Ed got very excited, expecting a warm goodbye and his father's blessing for the journey - but all he got was a small leather bag full of stale bread crusts and a wave as he left. A sigh escaped his lips as he followed his brothers' footsteps, wondering to himself what was ahead of him on his journey.


	2. The Old Man and the Ship

Of course he wasn't eaten by wolves, silly! Did you think he would be? Then we wouldn't have a story!

After walking for a long while, Ed came upon a forest, thick with trees and boulders. Beginning to peacefully weave his way through the tall maze of trees, Ed suddenly crossed the path of a small, wrinkled old man with large, white eyebrows, bent almost double over his gnarled old cane. "Where are you going, young man?" he asked, his voice high-pitched, shaky, and reedy.

Ed blinked, holding his small blanket tightly. After a moment of thought, he smiled, nodding and speaking kindly to the stranger. "I'm gonna go marry the princess Nazz!" He paused, scratching his head. "But i gotta get a flying ship first."

"How do you plan on doing that?" The old man asked.

Our fool, though, had not thought that far ahead, and simply shrugged. "I dunno...it worked for Space-Age Jim, galactic universe protector and alien bounty hunter."

"Well then, let's rest a bit and have a bit to eat." The man said carefully, ignoring the last bit of Ed's outburst.

"Oh..." Ed looked down at his blanket, frowning and remembering what was inside. "I don't have much, mister. but...if you want some, I can share." He offered the man a big, friendly grin, and the man consented.

So the two sat down on some convenient boulders and Ed began to unpack his meager ration of food. As he began to pull it open, though, the familiar puddle of drool collected in his gaping mouth and his eyes popped open wide.

There, instead of the stale crusts of old bread, were bottles of brandy and colorful fruit juices, fine cheeses, tons of cooked meats, gravy boats filled to the top with creamy, thick gravy, jawbreakers the size of wagon wheels, and fine china trimmed in gold! All of Ed's favorite food and more came pouring out of the folds of his blanket, covering the forest floor with more than enough for two. The old man and our hero ate and ate, talking and laughing until they could eat no more! And before he knew it, Ed had fallen asleep leaning against a large, wide tree.

Waking up a few hours later, Ed sleepily looked around for his new friend, but the old man was nowhere to be seen.

Standing up, Ed stretched and put out his hand to for support against the tree he had been sleeping on. When he did so, his hand didn't meet rough, dirty bark, but the smooth, polished hull of a huge ship!

Turning to face the gigantic vessel, Ed's eyes popped open. "Whoa...Man, I'm good!" Ed yelled, laughing and beginning to dance around the ship. "I can even do this in my sleep!" Ed wondered to himself as he easily climbed up onto the deck. Turning the wheel in the direction of the Queen's palace, the beautiful ship magically leapt into the air and sailed off above the trees and across the countryside, its noble and silly captain laughing loudly at the helm.


	3. The Eater and the Runner

It was amazing, the ship actually flew! And when I say flew, I really mean it. Like it had wings, or was sprinkled with fairy dust. Among the clouds it soared, and Ed was having the time of his life, twirling the helm like a pirate captain and feeling so brave and important.

Soon, though, our hero was brought to a stop by the sight of a tall, thin, blue haired man carrying a huge roasted pig over one shoulder. _(No, it's not Wilfred. Collective sigh of relief!)_   
Bringing the ship to a gentle stop a little bit off of the ground, Ed leaned over the side and waved, calling out happily. "Hello! What are you doing walking all alone?"

The man looked up and smiled, showing his large mouth, tan skin, and hairy arms and legs. He answered right away, in a cheerful voice with a strange accent. "Hallo there! I am simply looking for a meal, thankyouverymuch!"

Ed tilted his head, confused. "But you got enough to eat for days, mister!"

"Please call me Rolf, fool! And this?" He asked, giving the pig a tap with one long hand. "This is hardly a mouthful for Rolf, just a puny scrap!"

Ed bit on his lip, then shrugged and held out his hand. "I'm on my way to the Queens palace to marry the Princess Nazz...You can come! There'll be lots of food!"

After thinking a moment, Rolf the Eater came aboard and they took off, sailing again across the beautiful countryside.

-

They hadn't traveled far when they spied another lone traveler on the road below. This man was also very thin, but he wasn't as tall as the Eater. The strangest thing, though, about this boy, was not the black hat perched on his head or how stick-like his arms were, it was the fact that he had one foot tied behind his head and he hopped along the road quickly and expertly on the free foot.

Pulling the ship to a stop just as he had before, Ed leaned over the side and waved excitedly. "Hello there, Mister Pegleg!" His loud, cheerful voice startled the man, making him screech to a sudden halt, pinwheeling his arms and yelping as he tried to stay balanced. "Why are you hopping on one foot?" The Fool yelled, not noticing the distress of the man.

"Oh dear, oh dear..." The young man mumbled until he regained his balance, looking up at the Fool and the Eater. "I'm only using one foot, dear fellow, because if I used both, I would move faster than the speed of sound. Why," the boy started, grinning and showing a small gap between the front teeth of his smile and sparkling, bright eyes. "I'd be at the equator before anyone could blink!"

Ed waved the man aboard eagerly. "We're going to the Queen's palace! You should come, I'm sure she'll need a fast messenger!" 

After a moment of thought, the Runner introduced himself as Double-D. He easily hopped aboard the ship and the new friends sailed off toward the palace once more.


	4. The Hearer and the Sharpshooter

After flying for a while more, singing songs and telling jokes, the three friends came upon yet another traveler along the road. He was a small man with ears the size of soup plates, kneeling down with one ear pressed to the ground. He had a strange look on his face, seeming to listen intently.

Again, since, as you know by now, Ed was a fool, and very kind, the ship was stopped and our hero leaned over the side.

"HELLO! MY NAME IS ED! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" the fool yelled, causing the man to sit up and cover his ears, cringing. As he did so, the comrades on the ship could see he held a board in one hand, a smiling face drawn on it, and the young man's slightly strangely shaped head was covered in close-shaved stubble.

"OW! Not so LOUD, you eager beaver! I was listening to an ant coughing in his house in Ethiopia! He's really really sick!" Pausing suddenly, he held the board up to his ear and appeared to listen to it. "Oh yeah! Plank says to remind you that it's his wife that's making him sick. She keeps him up at night cause she's got an awful snoring problem!"

Ed was speechless for a moment, but quickly he cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled once more. "YOU MUST HEAR REALLY GOOD!"

"R-Really well-" interjected the runner, but he was cut off by more of the fool's shouting.

"COME ABOARD! WE'RE GOING TO THE QUEEN'S PALACE, I BET THERE'S A LOT OF COOL SOUNDS THERE!"

Wincing, the hearer nodded and easily bounded aboard, chirping happily and waving to the eater and the runner. "I'm Johnny! And this is my best friend Plank! He knows the best jokes...tell 'em the one about the elephant, buddy!"

After tying the Hearer's ears back so they didn't cause too much drag, the ship leapt into the air and took off once more, sailing away across the beautiful countryside.

-

I'm sure you can guess the pattern now, dear reader. The next time the ship was stopped was for a man with a huge gun. Now, when I say huge, I mean HUGE. This gun was the length of two classic cars, a souped-up bike, and a professional baseball player. The man stood completely still behind the gun, his chin resting on the stock and one eye closed, sighting something ahead of him. His billed hat was turned backwards on his head, and the friends wouldn't have even been able to notice him at first because of how still he was standing, if it wasn't for the sun glinting off of the barrel of the large gun.

Ed, leaning over the side as usual, waved happily. "Hello! What are you aiming at?"

"Shut up, man! There's an ant down in Ethiopia with a terrible cough, and I'm trying to put him out of his misery!" answered the sharpshooter, still not moving.

"But it's his wife who keeps him sick!" the hearer piped up, holding Plank in the air as if for evidence.

"Duh. Who do you think I'm aiming at, stupid?!"

"Come aboard!!" The fool yelled again. 

Much to his surprise, the sharpshooter did just that without a complaint, hauling his gun aboard with a little help from the eater. Waving his hand as he reached the deck, he smirked and turned his hat around. "I'm Kevin."

With that, the ship bounced back up into the sky, taking off toward their destination.


	5. The Strongman and a peek into the Palace

Not too long afterward, as seems to be the custom on this strange journey, the travelers caught sight of another young man along the road. This fellow was teeny _tiny_ , and moved slowly and almost painfully along the path, every step a huge effort. What was most remarkable about him, however, was the fact that he was bent over double by the massive head of poofy, curly hair he owned. It cascaded down his back, and made him groan with just the effort of holding his head up and keeping moving.

Stopping the ship, all of the comrades leaned over the side, looking down at the peculiar sight. Ed was the first to speak up, as usual. "Hello mister! Uhm...what's that on your back??"

The young man looked up, with some effort, and spoke with a high-pitched voice, quiet and with a tremor. "Oh, it's not really too terrible...it's just my strength, you see. I have a lot of it, as you can tell." He forced a small smile, and the sharpshooter had to shield his eyes from the glint of metal on the strongman's teeth.

"Well...we're on out way to see the Queen. You should come too! She'll need a strong man for sure, and maybe we can get you a haircut while we're there," Ed offered, smiling down at the tiny weakling.

"I'm Jimmy," the boy wheezed, trying to climb up. After trying a few times and failing, Kevin, Ed, and Rolf all hopped down and helped haul him onto the deck. As soon as Jimmy was safe and secure sleeping in the hold of the ship, the vessel bounced into the sky and took off for the palace once more.

-

They didn't meet anyone else on the rest of their journey. Good thing too, as the deck was starting to get crowded and boisterous as the boys took turns telling jokes and singing traveling songs. 

But...I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

As the friends were traveling, the Queen was busy throwing one of her usual royal fits.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NO ONE HAS SHOWED UP?!" the minuscule monarch shouted, pounding her fists on her throne and pushing her fiery-red hair out of her face.

The Queen's assistant, a small, conniving, weasel-like man named Eddy, cringed in annoyance at her piercing voice but managed to maintain a smile. "Sorry, your majesty," he grumbled sarcastically. "Maybe you shouldn't have put that thing about the flying ship in your proclamation..."  
Secretly, Eddy had been the one to goad her into adding the caveat, a fact which he was glad her majesty didn't remember. You see, the assistant really wanted the beautiful Princess for himself, and the Queen had promised her hand to him if no one came by a certain date. Knowing this fact and seeing the calendar draw closer to the deadline, it was no wonder he couldn't keep a sly grin off his face.

The Princess, sitting silently on the other side of the room, made an ugly face in his direction as if knowing what was on his mind. She liked doing her own thing mostly, and couldn't stand being pushed around by the assistant and the other gross boys coming to ask for her hand. Pushing her blonde hair out of her face and smoothing her dress, she sighed, propping her chin in one hand. Couldn't some nice prince in a flying ship come save her already?


	6. Our Hero Arrives and The First Task

Very soon after the Queen threw her latest royal fit, the flying ship with the fool and his friends finally landed in the grass outside the palace. The singing and joking of the comrades aboard, celebrating their arrival, could be heard even through the castle walls.

Snapping her head to the window, the Queen Sarah squinted her eyes at the sounds of the boisterous men, immediately not liking the sound of it. If this was someone claiming to have a flying ship, they were going to share the palace with her for the rest of the foreseeable future. This would not fly. No way. She had expected a calm and collected Space Prince to arrive in a flying ship, not what sounded like a group of twelve-year-old boys making fart jokes and laughing uproariously at each other's teasing. However, if it was a group of drunk commoners again, they still had to be dealt with.

"Who is THAT?! Go see!" She snapped, and Eddy nodded, running off quickly to obey her order...and also see for himself.

Approaching the door, Eddy poked his head out, glaring at the intruders as soon as he saw the ship they were standing aboard.

Ed, being the first to see him as usual, waved happily and called out just as he had done for his new friends. "HALLO! I'M HERE TO MARRY THE PRINCESS NAZZ! SEE?" He patted the railing of the vessel affectionately, looking around at the others. "FLYING SHIP!" 

This was meant with murmurings of agreement and excited talking from the friends. However, the only response from Eddy was an evil grin curling up the sides of his mouth, for he recognized that Ed was a fool. Waving a hand at them, he quickly shut the door and ran back to the throne room.

"Well?" She demanded, seeing his face.

"Your Majesty, a man has arrived claiming to have a flying ship, and he wishes to marry the Princess." Pausing to allow the Queen to snarl and the Princess to grimace, he continued after a moment. "But they're all nothing but simple idiots! Loud and common, like all the other commoners."

The Queen, grimacing at the thought of sharing the palace with filthy, loud commoners, waved a hand in the air. "Think of something to get them out of here, fish face!"

Eddy immediately began to pace, thinking not only of losing his job if he can't get rid of them, but that if they were to stay, he'd lose his shot with the Princess. He had to think of something, something good and something fast. Fortunately for him, Eddy was a quick-thinking, scheming individual, which served him well.

Brightening up, he stopped in front of the Queen's throne. "I got it! We give 'em three things to do before they get her... all totally impossible!"

The Queen narrowed her eyes, looking skeptical. "Like what?"

"We could make them eat _a thousand loaves of bread_!"

-

After some persuading - for the Queen wasn't very keen on spending that much money - the fool was invited in to speak to the royals and be given his first task.

"Wow! Hello Princess!" Ed cried upon seeing Nazz, racing over to her and kneeling down as he spoke. "I am so excited to take your hand in carriage!" Taking her hand in his, he began to kiss it, but was interrupted by the Queen angrily clearing her throat and the disgusted look on the face of the Princess. 

"MOM!" The Fool yelled, running over and wrapping the fuming Queen up in a (probably very smelly) bear hug. Eddy cleared his throat after a moment, causing Ed to drop the diminutive Queen back onto the throne and turn to look at him innocently.

"The Queen asks that before you go making any big wedding plans, you complete three simple little tasks for her, loverboy."

"Oh! Okay... What do I do?" Ed asked, clasping his hands behind his back.

In answer, Eddy pulled, from seemingly nowhere, a huge book (almost as big as he was...which isn't saying much because, as you know, the assistant was small and weasel-like). He opened it up and pretended to consult the book for a long, awkward, silent moment, making Ed fidget his hands in his long sleeves.

"Aha. Here we go. Alright, lumpy one. Your first task is to eat a thousand loaves of bread." Eddy peered over the top of the book, grinning devilishly at the fool.

Ed said nothing for a few minutes appearing to think. "Uh...we ate on our way here, so none of us are really that hungry...but maybe I can get one of my friends to eat with me!"

After getting the okay from the Queen and servant, Ed bolted back out to the ship and his friends. Soon, he and the eater, Rolf, were seated next to each other at the head of a table the length of the ballroom. 

Servants came out with the freshly baked loaves. As soon as the platters touched the table, all of the bread was- **BOOM!!!** Gone. That's it.

The eater leaned back in his chair a bit, picking his teeth with one finger and resting his other hand on his stomach. "Rolf expects a few more loaves, yes? That was only..." he glanced down at his hand, counting. "Nine hundred and...seven? Am I wrong?"

Ed grinned happily at the Queen, princess, and servant, who were staring at them with gaping mouths and bugged eyes. The princess looked nauseous.

"Uh..." Eddy sputtered, glancing over at the Queen, who was giving him an awful look. "Ah. Okay! G-Good job! Take a rest, come back in an hour, and we'll talk about task number two!"

So the eater and fool went back outside to the ship, leaving the furious queen, disgusted princess, and scheming servant to discuss what should happen next.


	7. The Second Task

After an hour of more jokes and songs with his friends out in the courtyard, the fool met the royalty yet again, the young man eager to start his next mission. He waited as Eddy pulled out the huge book and pretended to read again, sneaking glances at the princess and wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"Okay, monobrow. Your next task," began the assistant, "is to get a piece of the equator and bring it back here. But we need it tonight. Before sundown. And not a minute later, or no princess for you. Got it, big guy?" Eddy finished sarcastically, peering over the book at our hero, who appeared to be thinking hard.

"Uhm...what size piece do you want?" Ed asked, causing the Princess to bite her lip and the Queen to growl fiercely in Eddy's direction.

Chuckling nervously, Eddy rubbed the back of his neck with one hand, putting the book away. "Size? Eh, uh...doesn't matter."

"Well, I'm still full..." Ed explained, patting his stomach with one hand and giving them all a sunny grin. "So maybe one of my friends can go for me!" Getting the okay and hurriedly being shooed out of the throne room, Ed ran back to his friends, quickly explaining the second task.

"This is my affair!" Double-D the runner said happily, leaping to his foot and reaching up to untie his other leg. Once the rope came loose, he carefully stretched and wiggled it to get the stiffness out, tucking the rope under his hat. As soon as he was ready, bringing his hands to his chest and sticking his elbows out to the sides, he took a runner's stance and...was completely out of sight, only a small puff of dust left where he had been standing.

Just as he had predicted, before he had time to even blink he had tripped over the equator and fallen headlong into deep Africa. Sitting up with a small moan and putting one hand to his head, he quickly took in his surroundings and shook it off. Producing the rope, he once again tied off his leg and began to hop along the equator's length, his eyes scanning for a nice, straight piece.

Now, for any reader who doesn't know, the equator is a brilliant blue line that stretches all the way around the world, showing where the middle is! It's mostly straight, but it does have a few bumps and squiggles here and there since it's been drawn so many times on maps and globes.

It only took a moment for the runner to find a piece that suited him. Breaking it off, he carefully slipped it in his pocket, then stifled a yawn, stretching a bit. "Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy..." he mumbled to himself as he hopped over to a nice shady tree and laid down to take a nap.

-

Back at the palace, the fool and all the remaining friends had somehow found their way inside the palace and were having fun "entertaining" the Queen and Princess. They sang songs, told jokes I can't write down, the sharpshooter posed with his gun, and the hearer and Plank regaled everyone with tales of the coughing ant. After a while, though, as the sky grew darker outside, they began wondering where their friend was, so they went back to the ship to talk.

Johnny, laying his head on the ground, gasped in horror after only a second of listening. "Uh-oh! Our fast friend is asleep! I can hear him snoring! The roly-poly bug on his hat is snoring too...boy, are they loud!" He sat up worriedly, looking at his friends.

The sharpshooter squinted off in the direction the runner had gone, nodding after a minute. "I see him, man."

"Who, Double-D?" the fool asked.

"No, you fool, the roly-poly." Turning his hat backward, he nodded. "There, now I see the runner. Leave it to me."  
Pulling his gun to his shoulder, he shut one eye and took careful aim. All the other friends fell into a hush, not wanting to disturb him. Pausing for a few seconds to check and recheck his aim, accounting for the wind and the speed the earth was turning, the sharpshooter finally took a breath and squeezed the trigger.

The bullet hit a perfect bulls-eye! That is to say, it bounced off the third button on the roly-poly's fancy embroidered vest and ricocheted loudly off of the gold buckle on his tiny buggy shoe.

Not a bad shot.

The sound was so loud that it woke the runner up right away, his eyes popping open. Letting out a frightened squeal as he saw the sun touching the horizon, he quickly untied his leg and sped off to the palace faster than the bullet that came out of the sharpshooter's gun. He arrived, panting, with the equator piece safely in his pocket with not a moment to lose, before the sound had even faded.

Passing the piece off to the fool, Ed ran quickly into the throne room with it displayed proudly in two outstretched hands. He was so happy, he didn't even notice the Queen gripping the arms of her throat so hard they almost split in half, or the princess watching him with total disgust on her face, or even the servant shaking and sweating bullets as he tried to think of a task for the fool that he KNEW he couldn't complete.


	8. The Third Task

It couldn't be said that the servant wasn't a creative fellow.

Only a moment after the fool had come in parading around the piece of equator, a huge smile spread across Eddy's face and he skidded over to Ed, stopping him from coming in any further. "Great job, big guy! And now..." As usual, he pulled out the huge book and pretended to read for a long, uncomfortable moment, while Ed tried to figure out with to do with the Equator piece.

"Alright. For your last task, you need to bring us a bird that can't fly, loves to swim, and doesn't have a single feather on its body."

Ed opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the servant holding up a finger.

"And you gotta bring it to us before sunup. Tomorrow." A huge, evil grin curled up the sides of his mouth. "No pressure. Goodnight!"

With that, he shooed the fool out the door and slammed it shut.

-

Slowly making his way outside to the ship, the fool flopped down next to his friends with a thud, a thoughtful expression on his face. When questioned, he quickly explained their predicament.

The hearer laid his and Plank's heads on the ground, listening intently. Finally, with some straining, the young man whispered "I can hear the birds squawking and jumping into the water! They sound silly."

Kevin squinted at the horizon, nodding. "I see em. They look kinda normal, but when they jump into the water I can't see em swimming."

The eater then piped up, rubbing his chin. "Yes, Rolf too has heard of these birds. They live in the Southest of Poles. Very tiny and quick, but they are said to taste better than lobster and lamb combined!"

"I supposed I'll go again," the runner sighed, standing and beginning to untie his leg.

The shooter growled, waving a hand. "No, no way man! I don't have any more bullets, i used the last one waking you up last time. If you fall asleep again, that'll be it."

Everyone fell silent after that, thinking to themselves as the sky faded to black and the stars came out one by one.

Not long after, the tiny, shrunken weakling (who had been sleeping below deck this entire time) finally poked his head out of the ship's hull and looked around, blinking sleepily. "I think it's time for me to puff up! Yes, yes, this is perfect," he wheezed as he climbed slowly out of the ship to join his friends.

After waving at the crew, he took a few painful steps away from them, turned to face the castle, then slowly began to inhale, taking in huge breaths of air. Anything that was not tied down was soon sucked into his lungs, and all the friends had to grip onto the ship, the trees, or each other to keep from flying away. As he breathed in more and more, he began to inflate, muscles popping out all over his body and his height growing substantially. His huge head of hair that had been so hard to carry began to quickly recede back into his skull, and by the time he was done, the boy was as big and strong as he had been weak and small, and his head was as shiny as a billiard ball!

All of the friends stared with shocked and happy expressions as Ed pried himself off of the hull and did a happy dance around the puffer. "I knew you would look better with a haircut!" he crowed, causing everyone to laugh.

After settling down, Jimmy explained that if they couldn't go to the South Pole to get one of the birds, they would just have to bring the South Pole to them.

He bent down and picked up a huge chunk of the earth - still connected to the great sphere itself, mind you, and began to haul it in like a sailcloth. The friends watched in awe as whole countries and cities and farms and lives began to pass before their eyes before dropping into the growing mound behind the puffer. All through the night the puffer pulled, never stopping. Neighborhoods and cities with people going about their businesses passed through, cars and carriages and families and animals, all piling up. As it grew closer and closer to daylight, the puffer seemed to pull faster and faster. 

As the sun began to peek over the horizon and light up the sky, he gave one last huge jerk and fell over backward as the South Pole skidded to a halt right in the center of the Queen's front garden.

Hearing the commotion, the Queen threw open her window and leaned out, growling and ready to yell at whoever was waking her up at dawn. However, what she saw made her eyes bug out of her head and her jaw drop to the floor.

There, in the center of the courtyard, her fountain was frozen solid, and was filled with hundreds and hundreds of slipping, sliding, and squawking PENGUINS. And who was standing on top of the fountain on one foot with his tongue lolling out of his mouth and his arms spread wide? That's right. The fool himself.

The Queen had had enough. Sighing, she cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted out the window. "Congratulations, son-in-law! She's all yours!"


	9. Epilogue

So everyone was (more or less) happy. The Queen gave the crew half of her palace and grounds, and took out a patent on sheep's wool earplugs.

The fool and all his friends stayed together and were comrades for the rest of time, opening the castle to other fools and unique individuals.

The weasel servant was fired by the Queen, and ran off to the mountains to open a hotel/casino.

And the Princess? Well. She got used to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading my weird little story! It feels so good to finally get this out into the world after writing this in high school and never showing it to anyone. Love you all!


End file.
